Ok so I'm new to this but recently I've thought that an outlet for my feelings would probably be a good thing. So here's the thing.... I'm fat!! Not cuddly, not chubby but FAT! F.A.T!! I'm 18 years old from North Yorkshire England and I have suffered from a binge eating disorder since I was about 6 years old. I was bullied for being overweight at my prep school which subsequently made my binge eating worse. My parents were always fighting and unhappy and my overeating started as a way of trying to get attention in a house where my older sister was a constant problem and my brother was Mr perfect and could do no wrong. When it didn't work, it became a way for me to escape my feelings. Being the kid in the family that was just the good one. The intelligent, well behaved one in a brood of musical energy and talent I was the safe child and my parents never picked up on my cry for help. So it became a stronger compulsion as I got older. I started skipping meals in year 8 when our school lunch system changed. During year 7 my tutor group consisted of a group of boys who were my main tormentors. Unfortunately we used to have to sit down as a tutor group to eat lunch and they made my life hell to the point where to this day I find it a real struggle to eat in a public place. In year 8 it changed to a cafeteria system and I just couldn't face being in that room anymore so I just skipped it. I went to boarding school in year 9 and made what I thought were really great friends. But I still couldn't eat school lunch. I would insist that we eat down the end of the cafeteria where nobody went at supper and my friends used to get really frustrated but I just couldn't eat in front of all those people. I began purging and periodically starving in year 10. It  was difficult to keep secret in a boarding houses but I was obese so not exactly on the house mistresses' watch list. I felt so degraded whenever I purged or was restricting as I felt I was a fraud. I was dong all this yet I was still obese. What was wrong with me...? Summer 2011 I left that school and at the age of 16 hit my all time highest weight of 216lbs. I was disgusted and decided to go on a diet to lose weight. By February 2012 I weighed around 165lbs but then I put a lot of weight back on over the next summer. I was back up to the 190's in September 2012 and since then have yo-yoed between the 190's and 160's/70's. My bulimia has gotten much worse since Christmas 2012. Possibly to do with the fact that my dad's told us he's got a new woman after a couple of years of divorce. Just after we were all getting used to the new family dynamic he had to go and throw that spanner in the works... Arrrrghh! Sometimes I just feel like screaming!!!! Anyway I think that's enough for my first post for tonight. I doubt anyone's going to read all this but anyway hopefully it will help me get my head sorted. Night internet, thanks for listening... xxx